Brian Goh


About me

Everyone experiences dreams when one is asleep. Dreams can be good, or they can be bad. Are they a message from somewhere else? Or are they merely a manifestation of one’s secret desires and thoughts? No one really knows for sure.

I have experienced dreams where it felt like I was in another place, somewhere not of this world. How did I know? It’s because in the dream(s), it was always with a friend that I knew. Someone who had left. Maybe somewhere deep down, I wished she was still here with me, that she was still alive. Maybe it was her way of telling me everything is all right. But these are just maybe(s) and what if(s). No one knows for sure. Not me that’s for sure.

The first dream began with myself at a beach, staring into the horizon. Beside me there were two doves. When twilight came, the doves took off into the sunset. For some reason, I had an inkling that I was supposed to do the same. I turned into a dove too and flew with them, towards the setting sun. After what seemed like a long time, the trio of us were approaching an island in the middle of the ocean. It wasn’t a large island, seemed like a pretty small one from above. But hey, all things seem small from way up in the sky, right? On the island, there was a monastery or a church, it was hard to tell. But it was definitely a religious building, that I know. It all seemed so peaceful. The structure occupied the front half of the island, the other half behind it was a jungle. It was a beautiful scene to see. There were monks, or were they clerics(?), keeping the grounds clean. When we approached a platform at the front of the building, the two doves turned into people. Somehow, I knew that they were a father and son pair. I too, turned back to myself upon landing on the platform. There was a quiet hustle and bustle ongoing just like that of a quiet, small settlement. Everyone seemed happy and content with where they were. The gates of the building opened as I approached and I walked in. I felt a strange feeling of familiarity. Like somehow, I had been in this place before. I didn’t feel lost, afraid or confused. It seemed like I knew exactly where I was supposed to go. It almost felt like I was… home. Everyone there seemed familiar too, almost like as if I have met everyone here at a certain point of time in my life. A familiar voice called to me. I turned around and I have to admit, I was shocked. I saw you. I remembered the moment when you left. How unsure I was, wondering if you left the world, happy or sad. When I saw you, you were smiling. Relief washed over me. I was glad that you found happiness wherever you are right now. I remembered you asking me “What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be here right now.” But I didn’t think much about that question. I was overjoyed that you seemed to be doing great. We chatted and hung out in the short time that we had. Eventually there came a time which I dreaded. “It’s time for you to leave”, I remembered you telling me. Feelings rose within me. Some of them unpleasant. I didn’t want to leave this place, to leave you alone, wanted to ask if you wanted to return with me to where I came from. But you simply shook your head and told me that there will be another time when we will meet again. It was almost sunrise in my dream. And then there was a white flash and everything ended there. I woke up in my bed. Tears were already rolling down my face. I looked at my watch. It was only 02:42 in the morning.

The second dream was more recent. It occurred in a dessert with an oasis and a small settlement. How I got there, I would never know. But there I was. Then you appeared again. It was twilight, same as the first dream. You brought me to an oasis nearby the settlement. There, we climbed the pyramids and laid on the top one of together, just looking up at the stars with me updating you on the current events in my life. It was a fun time together. Daybreak came and you said you needed to leave. Part of me wanted you to stay. “We’ll meet again, I promise”, you said and once again, there was a white flash and you were gone. Same as before, I woke up with tears in my eyes. I didn’t manage to catch the time but I was sure it was sometime between 2am to 3am.

Do I believe in dreams? I’m not sure. Like I stated in the introduction, it could have been a message from a long-lost friend, or it could be my subconscious wanting her to be alright. Regardless wherever you are right now, I hope that you’re happy. That’s the least I can do.

Rest in peace, Fiona. I hope we meet again. In dreams and after.